No 'Sweetie' on Sweetest Day

A couple of weeks ago, a childhood friend (let’s call her Denise) and I met with another childhood friend (let’s call her Mariah).  We hadn’t seen each other in about four years.  After we talked for about ten minutes, Mariah broke out of nowhere, on the other side of the universe from what we were talking about and said, “And Tonya, I want you to find somebody.  You deserve somebody nice in your life.

First, I was like, Is there a sign on my forehead that says ‘SINGLE’ or worse yet, does it say ‘LONELY’? Then, I almost felt insulted that Mariah would assume that I wasn’t with anybody and we hadn’t exchanged a word in four years.

Then I came back to the present thinking I am probably the happiest single woman in the world.  I cannot remember the last time a tear dropped from my eye because of a relationship. 

Now as friends, friends know each other’s intimate drama stories and they don’t forget those stories.  Sometimes they especially think about those stories when they see their friend is still with a particular person.  I thought about those stories that day.  Although, it is a new day now in everybody’s lives especially after silly stuff happens when first starting out - however, history is history.  I walked away from that conversation settled on that folk make their own decisions on what is worth going through to get somewhere and as long as I knew the truth about me and my journey, poo on anybody else’s opinion about my life.

~~~

But, I’ll tell you a secret.

I was in church several years ago and I heard a preacher say that if a person is single, they are single for the moment so that they can concentrate on what they are called to do.  That wasn’t the first time I heard that message.  I used to take that message as one of those lines like money is the root of all evil – except it is scripture that the love of money is the root of all evil and the incorrect quote that just money is the root of all evil is what folks who don’t have money say to make themselves feel better. 

But, I just happened to be paying attention when he said that ‘you are single so you can concentrate’ message that particular day.   I slowly began doing just that.

When my second husband left (and by the way I left the first one), I rearranged my bedroom, changed the locks, called his mother to bring him over to get his car (since he was driving his company van) so I could get the garage lock changed too, and then went out and started showing houses all before going to bed.  When he was packing up, I was helping him.  That’s just how done I was.  You hear me? 

Anyway, since then I made it up in my mind that I was going to do and live out all the dreams I always had without somebody hounding me about why I was doing this and that – like going to school to obtain a professional license.  I was going to pursue that childhood dream of a career in radio, return to acting, write books, return to composing music tracks and songwriting, finish raising my kids in a calm and quiet environment…just plain handle my business.

Someone once told me that I was busy because I didn’t have a man.  They were right and then they were wrong.  They meant I didn’t have anything to keep me company so I just buried myself into activities. That was wrong. 

What was right was that I was liberated to pursue happiness.

~~

Am I a bitter lonely woman?  Child, please.  Bye, Felicia.

Do I date?  Yep. 

Do I like men?  That’s like asking fish do they like water.   (wink)

But ask me if I have time for nonsense.    No the hell I don’t.

One of the reasons why I wrote “If You Don’t Know This, YouDon’t Know Jack”, is there is always the push for a woman to have a man and if a woman does not have a man, then something is supposedly wrong with her.

There are many dysfunctional or broken households because a relationship was formed between two people who got together for superficial or material reasons and not as two people bonding in agreement with how they will grow together and handle their business.  How a woman connects with a man who is on the same page as she is by taking the time to really getting to know him – but she got to be in the right book to even get to the right page.

On this Sweetest Day (actually a day that I forgot all about it until somebody texted me), I am single with a bunch of sweeties -- my children, grandbaby, family, and good friends.

Every day is the Sweetest Day.

tnd

Luv ya, “Mariah” and “Denise”. :)

The history of Sweetest Day