Online or Internet Dating

Online or Internet dating sites are advertised from time to time in TV and radio commercials.  That concept of meeting people has been around for a couple of decades now and might be very convenient for the busy individual.

In "Big Girl Little Girl", there is a chapter that essentially discourages online (or internet) dating - especially for the non-technical non-savvy individual because online dating is a great tool for a man with no-good intentions to meet vulnerable and/or desperate women.  

This is not to say that online dating is for the vulnerable and/or desperate woman.  Online dating is merely a third party filtering info that it is given to compile a group of people with the characteristics that an individual would like to see in a person they meet.  The hiccup is that the information given may not be necessarily true.

Most online dating sites give step-by-step safety tips.  But those tips are basic and don’t scratch the surface of what can be done with the slightest bit of data either gathered online or through conversation.  News articles detail that.*

How Online Dating Works

The site asks for registration information that includes: Full Name, Date of Birth, E-mail Address, and a Password.  Then the site ushers the user to an online questionnaire to complete to share city and state where they live, their physical stats, their interests, hobbies, favorite foods, astrological sign, smoking and drinking habits, racial and religion info and then what they are looking for physically and demographically in another person.  To complete the profile, the user adds a photo.  A fee is charged for upgraded services like being able to send e-mail or seeing who has looked at their profile.  Other than that, users can search profiles and send little signals to indicate interest until they cough up the monthly fee.

The Real Safety Tips

• Treat the process of meeting people online as if meeting them on the street.  One doesn’t usually give their full name, birthday, address, phone number, names of ages of kids and where they work when they first meet someone.  It’s easy to divulge that information because there is a misperception that just because the communication is electronic and the person is not in arm’s reach to cause bodily harm, it’s safe to divulge. A person can say in their profile that they live in North Dakota, but in reality, they can be in the very same city and state around the corner.  The same with their picture.  Whose to say that it is really them?

• The first name, last name, and general idea of the residence city or state is all someone needs to get an address.  There are sites online where if the first name, last name, city and state are entered, the site will spew out everybody with that name and even similar to that name within that vicinity.   To test this out, one can enter their name, city and state, and then all kinds of people search sites will pop up.  Enter the info in those people search sites.  If the person has a social media page, those will come up as well if their profile is set for public search.  Only give first name in conversation.  Do not use real city in profile. Avoid giving out biographical information, such as the month, day or year of birth,  schools attended and definitely not workplace location, workplace phone number and/or workplace e-mail address.  Be vague on places frequented such as shopping centers, grocery stores, movie theaters, place of worship, and school and daycare names and locations.

• Once a photo is posted online, it leaves possession forever.  A simple right-click, then download gives the person a copy of a picture stored on their personal computer.  Never text or e-mail a pic.  Texting will give the other person phone number information and immediate possession of the personal picture.

• NEVER GIVE OUT PHONE NUMBER IN THE BEGINNING. When calling the other person, always dial *, then 67, then the phone number to hide own personal number.  Never leave a voicemail message because their voicemail system envelope options may detail the number that called to leave that message even if *67 was used.  Again, sending text messages will reveal the number automatically.   

• Limit conversations to the site’s e-mail system and limit the time on online chatting.  The more people talk, the more they become relaxed and comfortable with the other. The more relaxed and comfortable, the lower the guard.  Note that there is spyware that people can download remotely to a computer that will turn a webcam on without the user knowing and without the webcam light coming on.  Place something over the webcam if using any kind of instant messaging program thus do not e-mail using own personal e-mail address.  Keep the covering over the webcam in case spyware has been remotely downloaded to computer.  Be sure to keep antivirus and antispyware applications up to date and have computer scanned for these types of intrusions at least once a month.  Remember to communicate only through the site’s e-mail system.

• Meet online via webcam first.  When it's time to meet face to face - do it first via the site's webcam capabilities.  Do not do it outside of the site's communication wall.  This at least shows what the person really looks like.  Make sure the background in view to the other person does not include family pictures or any other personal information or home layout.  Again, there is spyware that people can download remotely to a computer that will turn a webcam on without the user knowing and without the webcam light coming on. Take the precautions mentioned earlier.    If possible, do a printscreen of the person.   

• Think like a criminal and act like a law enforcement official. When it's time to meet the person in person, share the picture obtained from the webcam with trusted friends and family and have someone come along for the initial dates. Since the person is not known from Adam, go overboard.  Have someone to come along in conversation and have someone else watching everything and other people around them.  Keep the accompanying companion and trusted friends and family information as sacred as own information.  Be sure that he does not follow you or your accompanying companion when the meeting is over.  If he does, drive straight to the police station and lay on the horn or call the police from your car.  Seriously.  Also note, that just because a friend or family member is around doesn't mean that he won't have a friend or family member around somewhere peeping out the scene as well.

• Let the man do the traveling.  If he is not in a position to travel, then he is not in a position to be trying to talk to somebody.

• Remember to let the head speak louder and tell the heart to shut up.  Don’t fall in love with the thought of falling in love.  The person is still a stranger if their first, middle and last names; their date of birth; their residential address; their workplace address; home and work phone numbers; personal background; criminal background; financial, mental, emotional and health background; number and ages of all children; and their marital status are all unknown or unproven.

• A profile that sounds too good to be true is probably too good to be true.

• Don’t begin a charity organization. At the first moment, he says he’s in a crunch or is stuck somewhere and needs financial assistance - meaning if he hints at it or just asks directly for it, cease all communications IMMEDIATELY.  It’s a scam.  Report it. Block them. Again, let the head speak louder and tell the heart to shut up.

• Typically, if a person is a stranger, one doesn't know what that stranger may have.  Save/keep your kisses and protect your health.

NOTE:  Follow these suggestions as and where applicable when:  

• taking a look at a new home or apartment presented by an  owner
• purchasing a car, appliance, furniture, etc. from a posted ad - whether in print or online

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Other Internet safety tips:

Visit the FBI Cyber Crime Website (http://www.fbi.gov/about-us/investigate/cyber/cyber)

*bConcerned.com (http://www.bconcerned.com/page1131550.aspx)