Things To Leave in 2014

One of the greatest ways to make a change is to create a personal agenda.  The best way to keep in mind what is wanted is to be confident about what is not wanted:

• Apprehension
• Chaos
• Detrimental Actions
• Distraction
• Drama
• Foolishness
• Going Nowhere Relationships
• Guilt
• Indebtedness
• Junk Food
• Liars
• Lose-Lose Situations
• Mismanagement
• Obstacles
• Self-Disrespect 
• Self-Ridicule
• Self-Sabotage
• Thieves
• Time Wasters
• Unhealthy Environments
• Users

What are you saying goodbye to....?

2015 is the year to do something radically different and better.

tnd

On Way to Appointment and Needed to Turn Right on Red

I'm on my way to an appointment and needed to turn right on red.  There are a couple of vehicles in front of me.

When it was time for the vehicle directly in front of me to turn, the driver hadn't yet pulled up to the corner.  I flashed my lights.  They moved up.  They took a while before turning when clearly nobody was coming.  Okay.  They finally turned.

Assumption.  Screwing around on the phone.

I finally turned right following this same hesitant-taking-too-long-to-go-ahead-and-drive driver.

It's rush hour and traffic is stopped.  That Stop-Slow-Little Gas-Stop-A Little Bit More type of flow.

Driver still wasn't driving in reflex.  Just pulling up whenever to close the gap.

Then....crash.

The driver in front of me hit the vehicle in front of them.

Just Great.   Just what was needed in this one lane road.  The driver in the vehicle hit stopped right then and there.  But lo and behold they moved up until the center lane became available so that vehicles could go past their incident. 

Whew.  Nobody was hurt.  Traffic was able to continue.

Next time, may not be so simple as a fender bender. 


 

Blocking Traffic Does Not Cause Change

Clearly there is a call for national reform for behavior fitness certification within law enforcement. All the protests need to be put in writing for petitions and coalitions to make across-the-board changes on Election Day...the day when elected officials really listen.

It's an HR departmental issue for changes in hiring checks and controls as well as new hire to retire phased/certification required departmental training with field and/or desk performance evaluations quarterly at first, then reduced as tenure continues .

However, I will always continue to respect the police officer. It is an honorable profession...a career I strongly considered once upon a time.

I saw this video and immediately corrected my perception that it is a "behavior behind a badge" problem across all racial lines. 

Blocking traffic does not cause change. Concerted efforts in well thought out reform make change.

~~~~~~~

My personal thank you to the Maple Heights Police Department and the Shaker Heights Police Department who would answer a call if a blade of grass was in the street - always ready to protect and serve. There at the door when you hang up.  These departments may even be a start to make a national change.  I know after hearing from the Shaker Heights Police Chief this past week, he has some practices in place that ensure positive community relations and protection. 

It doesn't matter if the community is a village or a metropolis.  A major change is feasible.

Crying out no money for reform regarding this matter is unacceptable.

tnd

No 'Sweetie' on Sweetest Day

A couple of weeks ago, a childhood friend (let’s call her Denise) and I met with another childhood friend (let’s call her Mariah).  We hadn’t seen each other in about four years.  After we talked for about ten minutes, Mariah broke out of nowhere, on the other side of the universe from what we were talking about and said, “And Tonya, I want you to find somebody.  You deserve somebody nice in your life.

First, I was like, Is there a sign on my forehead that says ‘SINGLE’ or worse yet, does it say ‘LONELY’? Then, I almost felt insulted that Mariah would assume that I wasn’t with anybody and we hadn’t exchanged a word in four years.

Then I came back to the present thinking I am probably the happiest single woman in the world.  I cannot remember the last time a tear dropped from my eye because of a relationship. 

Now as friends, friends know each other’s intimate drama stories and they don’t forget those stories.  Sometimes they especially think about those stories when they see their friend is still with a particular person.  I thought about those stories that day.  Although, it is a new day now in everybody’s lives especially after silly stuff happens when first starting out - however, history is history.  I walked away from that conversation settled on that folk make their own decisions on what is worth going through to get somewhere and as long as I knew the truth about me and my journey, poo on anybody else’s opinion about my life.

~~~

But, I’ll tell you a secret.

I was in church several years ago and I heard a preacher say that if a person is single, they are single for the moment so that they can concentrate on what they are called to do.  That wasn’t the first time I heard that message.  I used to take that message as one of those lines like money is the root of all evil – except it is scripture that the love of money is the root of all evil and the incorrect quote that just money is the root of all evil is what folks who don’t have money say to make themselves feel better. 

But, I just happened to be paying attention when he said that ‘you are single so you can concentrate’ message that particular day.   I slowly began doing just that.

When my second husband left (and by the way I left the first one), I rearranged my bedroom, changed the locks, called his mother to bring him over to get his car (since he was driving his company van) so I could get the garage lock changed too, and then went out and started showing houses all before going to bed.  When he was packing up, I was helping him.  That’s just how done I was.  You hear me? 

Anyway, since then I made it up in my mind that I was going to do and live out all the dreams I always had without somebody hounding me about why I was doing this and that – like going to school to obtain a professional license.  I was going to pursue that childhood dream of a career in radio, return to acting, write books, return to composing music tracks and songwriting, finish raising my kids in a calm and quiet environment…just plain handle my business.

Someone once told me that I was busy because I didn’t have a man.  They were right and then they were wrong.  They meant I didn’t have anything to keep me company so I just buried myself into activities. That was wrong. 

What was right was that I was liberated to pursue happiness.

~~

Am I a bitter lonely woman?  Child, please.  Bye, Felicia.

Do I date?  Yep. 

Do I like men?  That’s like asking fish do they like water.   (wink)

But ask me if I have time for nonsense.    No the hell I don’t.

One of the reasons why I wrote “If You Don’t Know This, YouDon’t Know Jack”, is there is always the push for a woman to have a man and if a woman does not have a man, then something is supposedly wrong with her.

There are many dysfunctional or broken households because a relationship was formed between two people who got together for superficial or material reasons and not as two people bonding in agreement with how they will grow together and handle their business.  How a woman connects with a man who is on the same page as she is by taking the time to really getting to know him – but she got to be in the right book to even get to the right page.

On this Sweetest Day (actually a day that I forgot all about it until somebody texted me), I am single with a bunch of sweeties -- my children, grandbaby, family, and good friends.

Every day is the Sweetest Day.

tnd

Luv ya, “Mariah” and “Denise”. :)

The history of Sweetest Day

I'm Right With You About Not Being Labeled an African-American, Raven-Symone

I haven't tracked the hype on it because folks can sho nuff hype about different things, but apparently it is news that Raven-Symoné said that she did not consider herself an African-American, but as an American on a recently aired "Where Are They Now?" episode on the OWN Network.

Raven-Symoné was just saying that she did not like being a label.

I still regard the term African-American as pretty new as I clearly remember when they started using that term.  I also remember how I hated that term because of the automatic assumption that because my skin is dark, I am supposed to be an African-American.

Every time I heard the word mentioned in the media, I would cringe.

About a decade ago, a supervisor and I were talking about Christmas holidays and he asked me if I were going to celebrate Kwanzaa.  I said, "Man, I don't know anything about Kwanzaa.  That is a tradition that was brought here in the 60s."  Then I broke and said, "And don't call me an African-American either.  That's just the term to be politically correct for the day."  He told me that he went home and told his wife, "No matter what you do, don't ask Tonya about Kwanzaa or say African-American."  Apparently, it was a wake up call that all Blacks do not celebrate Kwanzaa and that all Blacks do not accept the word African-American.

Like Raven-Symoné noted that her roots were in Louisiana, I don't know how my family arrived to Cleveland, Ohio before the 1900's.  My folk could be Haitian, Jamaican, Trinidadian, New Guinea, etc.  And yes.  Even with that there is a link back to Africa, but bottom line..... TODAY.....I don't know it and I don't try to claim what I don't know. 

What really makes me HATE the word African-American is it's a catchall to classify a group of people because of their skin color. My hatred for that term has nothing to do about Africa except for the fact, I don't know jack about Africa and I'm not about to begin studying Africa or embracing Africa like I am "supposed to” or “expected to” because I am of color.    Of course, history research is always on the menu and where it is personally important to my children and me, it is an appetizer. My main course, however, is about what I can do today and my dessert is about how what I do today will impact tomorrow.

~~

I remember when I was just a child, we were Negroes (so it says on the birth certificate), and then I recall the term Black.  Whew.  My father hated it when I used the word Black and told me to use the word Colored. It was almost a punishable offense to use the word Black in our household.  So probably then for him, when the tide turned when folks started using Black, that was like African-American to him.  I liked using the word Black because it had a strong definition to it.  Solid.  Black is Beautiful.  Powerful.  Pride.  As a child, I always pictured red, green, and yellow when I heard the term Colored. I didn’t like the word Negro because it was too close to the word nigger - a word heard repeatedly from speeding passersby while walking home from school.

Then it went to Afro-American.  I could never understand that.  What the hell a hairstyle term got to do to classify a group of Black folk – so I thought as a youngster.  Then the classification got cute and landed on African-American - to my assumption to be respectful or something.  This is how I remember the chain of labels evolving.

But why we got to be anything?  When will we ever get to the point we are just a race of humans?

I rebelled against forms requesting racial demographics.  I would cross out the word African or just write in the word Black for Other.

Anyway, I hope Black folk ain't gonna be all up in arms saying that Raven-Symoné is turning her back on her 'race' because she said she is not African-American.

Pause…..

okay…..

gonna keep moving…..

I think I may have let the term African-American slip somewhere, here or there, in prose.  I quietly backed down about my stand on being labeled. Part of it is I began to choose my battles.

Another reason is I know who I am and labeled myself.

Posted by:

A Child of God who lives in the United States of America.

More info:

http://www.oprah.com/own-where-are-they-now/Raven-Symone-Jackie-Evancho-Maurice-Benard-and-More

"There Is A Thinking Stuff"

A few years ago, I came across the book, "The Science of Getting Rich."   In this 104-year-old book, Wallace Wattles talks about a student, a poor man who rented a house, who had only what he had earned for the day.  Following the steps outlined in the book, the student thought that it would be reasonable enough to ask for a rug for the best room of his home and for a coal stove to keep the house warm when it was cold outside.  Following the steps that Mr. Wattles outlined throughout the book, the student obtained those things in a few months.  At the end of it all, the student wound up owning and rebuilding the home.

A year or so ago, I knew that I would like to obtain a new car.  Even though I was not in the market and not in the position, I kept having this urge to make up my mind what I wanted.  I went back between a sedan and an SUV.  I liked the sedan because of the sealed trunk but then I wanted an SUV for the wintry months.  I already knew the make and then began making comparisons on the colors of the sedan and the SUV.  I started building the car on an app like I was going to buy it the next week.  Something just kept pushing me to make up my mind what I wanted.  I settled on the color for the sedan.  It was done. I made my choice, so when it was time to buy it, which was not in the near future as far as I could see, I already knew what I wanted.  I knew that would be what I would get. 

In the book, it talks about how thinking about something would have it manifest it some way.  For example, if a person wanted a sewing machine, then he or she would "hold the mental image of it with the most positive certainty that it is being made or is on its way..."  Then,  "have the most absolute and unquestioning faith that the sewing machine is coming.  Never think of it or speak of it in any other way than as being sure to arrive. Claim it as already yours."  Then the book goes on to say that the sewing machine would come "by the power of the supreme intelligence, acting upon the minds of men."

Sure enough just a few months later, after a series of events from upon the minds of men, I came to begin driving the same make, model, and color of the car that I had decided would be the car "whenever it was time" for me to obtain it.

"There is a thinking stuff from which all things are made, and which, in its original state, permeates, penetrates, and fills the interspaces of the universe.
A thought, in this substance, Produces the thing that is imaged by the thought. Man can form things in his thought, and, by impressing his thought upon formless substance, can cause the thing he thinks about to be created."
Wallace D Wattles – 1910

*Info:
The Science of Getting Rich - Wikipedia
Download of The Science of Getting Rich 
The Science of Getting Rich Network
The Science of Getting Rich - CD by Denis Waitley 
Reader Reviews from goodreads

One Thing That Everyone Is Born With....

...Dreams.

Either conscious or sub-conscious.  Everyone has dreams - either in imagery and/or in sound.

It was in 2006 where I was formally introduced to The Law of Attraction through the video, The Secret*.  This particular year was the most monumental and pivotal of my life.  Not because of the video, but how things have been unfolding since the very day after watching that video including associated full circle moments.

In the video, I learned about vision boards.  Notable speakers shared how they used various visionary tools.  One of the all-time best selling authors of our time shared how he did one thing where he would see it everyday and spoke about how his international book series soon came after.  Another speaker spoke about how there was someone who wished for companionship and how they changed things in the living environment while love, soon after, came to their door. Others spoke about supernatural healing, financial abundance, and the list goes on.

I created a vision board and my daughter created one.  My daughter was 8 at the time.  We bought poster boards and taped cutout pictures of things we would like to see in our lives on the boards. Those boards remained on the walls of our bedrooms until we moved.  Eventually, after moving subsequent times, those poster boards wound up dusty and either made it to a closet or under the bed.

In 2012, I pulled out my vision board and looked at it.  I had it under the bed because I didn't want anybody who would just happen to come into my room to see my wildest dreams.  Worse yet, I didn't want anybody to see my wildest dreams and laugh about them.  I put the board back under the bed face down.

I was reminiscing with my daughter about when we first created our vision boards and she pointed out that some of the images on my board had come true and all of about one or two images on her board came to pass exactly how she intended.

I decided to update my vision board and keep it displayed.  I have grown since 2012 and stopped caring 98.6% of the time about what someone may think or say.  I slip ever so often, but striving to increase that percentage.

More visions have come to pass.

A word about vision boards is that the exact thing on the vision board will not or may not come to pass, but the quality or the theme of that vision will indeed manifest.  The board is not to be stared at or worshipped.  The vision board is just putting it out in the atmosphere while the ever-producing universe responds.

These are pictures of the original vision board postings.

I wanted to be able to go see more movies. Not only do I go to movies frequently, I am blessed to appear in two roles in an award winning film project and work as an extra in a major network movie project.

I wanted to attend more theater productions.  I have since had the opportunity to perform in various productions on stages in various renowned theaters including Playhouse Square.

I traveled much during my childhood and always wanted to take my children to California.  At the time I created the vision board, that was almost a ridiculous dream.  This year, my children and I took a road trip across the nation to Los Angeles,  stood on the shores of the Pacific, toured through almost all of Los Angeles County, and stayed for several days at a beautiful hotel around the corner from the beach.

I hadn't seen family who came from Las Vegas to visit in several years and I wanted to be able to visit with them again.  We visited this summer for a week in Vegas during our cross country road trip.

“The most pathetic person in the world is some one who has sight but no vision.”  - Helen Keller

tnd

*The Secret

Right Where

This past week, I had the awesome experience to be an extra on the film set for an upcoming Lifetime movie starring some of Hollywood's and the music industry's best. Two of them I have admired, have gone to seen in concert (one of them), follow, and have both of their work in my current playlist. 

We were told to find a seat on the set.  I found an open seat near the back of the room. Once I got settled, I looked around and saw that many were sitting in the front toward where it would be assumed it will be much action. Then, I started looking at where I was and started second-guessing my seat choice. I began looking up towards the front of the room to see if there was somewhere where I could fit in.

I took a deep breath and told myself to be happy where I was sitting at a table by myself. I was blessed just to be in the room. After we rehearsed what we were supposed to do for the first scene, it was time to bring the principals in.

Who came and stood right next to me? 

Eve. One of the two principals that I admire. 

The other principal whom I absolutely love?  Who I listen to and sing with to warm my vocals for a production? Who I stood next to during a scene break?  Jill Scott. 

No.  Did not speak with them.  Just exchanged smile and presence acknowledgment.  We were instructed not to do so.  Learned the lesson of obedience...the day before.

That was my lesson for the day on being happy, content, satisfied, and trusting on where I am. 

A lesson through eternity. 

Exactly where I am supposed to be. 

(written while chilling outside after waiting on a no-show to view a property, enjoying the wonderful, sunny, early Sunday morning air, the birds singing, and grooving to Case's "Happily Ever After" blasting from the van parked at a neighboring home)

tnd

An Independence Day - Independent from the Rest

July 4th is a very festive occasion for most Americans.  The barbecue, the fireworks, the days off...and then the reflection, no matter how slight or how in-depth, about being an American and what Independence Day means personally.

On this past July 4, I decided to begin a practice of being 100% independent from fear, doubt, and worry.

For years, I have always wanted to take my children on a cross country trip.  What held me back the most was fear.  Going 3,000 miles away (and then coming back), on the road, single, all females, can be quite discomforting if one starts thinking about the worst case scenarios.  Then, the weather.  I am an armchair meteorologist because I disdain driving through snow and I am terrified of tornadoes.

Wait.

Correction.

Was.

Now, I make sure I have good tires for the snow and have good judgment in travel while having a Follow-Me forecast - going about the business at hand.

We went on this trip and came back.  We experienced and saw great things and I'm sure it expanded the children's awareness about some things.  But when we got back into our city, everything looked so different to me.

The things that I used to be concerned about...disappeared.  Those things that may need addressing are still existent, but they just don't live rent free yelling from the balcony to keep a state of turmoil in my conscious anymore. Those so-called issues are just merely 'things to do' and those 'things to do' are now addressed on an "as need to address without emotional involvement" basis.

Done.

Next.

I realized Sunday evening (7/6) that I had peeled away pretty much all the layers of past influences.  Everything has changed.  I'm cautious in not using the words belief and perception.  I could say belief and perception have changed, but those words just don't cut deep enough.  It's more of an awakening.  Seeing past what I used to think it is to what it really is.

All through my trip, I kept meditating on excerpts from Matthew 6:25 -34* especially vss. 27 and 34 where vs. 27 says 'you can't add an hour to your life by worrying' and vs. 34 says 'each day has its own trouble.'

And that's where the ticket is.  Somehow in the last year, last month, last week, I stopped looking at things as a 'trouble', but started looking at things as a growth opportunity.

I've come to realize, to walk, and to talk that worrying does not change one thing nor does it make a difference in an outcome.  All worrying does is rehearse your mind, body, and emotions through the turmoil of what is trying to be avoided but going through it anyway as if it is occurring.

I also learned along the way in my studies** that dollar amounts are nothing but numbers with a succession of commas and zeros.  $10 is no different than $1,000,000.  It's the emotion and the mental perception on those two different numbers that bring about the perceived value.  Money is no more than a tool and it does not make a person as a whole better nor does lack of it make a person not so well.  Now this is not to negate the fact that more money creates options, but to say that someone having $10 is no less a person than someone having $1,000,000.

As I watched firework shows over the past four days, those colorful displays symbolized to me the popping of ideas, opportunities, options, door openings. Independence Day is the tearing down of old thoughts, habits, and practices to do and approach things differently. The freedom to do so.

Independence Day is everyday.

Happy Independence Day.

tnd

*Matthew 6:25-34

**Rev. Michael Bernard Beckwith and Rev. Karen Russo

It Is...?

I'm visiting my aunt in Nevada and she lives in a senior living complex.  

When I took a walk, went to the coffee shop, or came back from the area grocery store, casino, or shopping center/mall, I always saw a gentleman, my aunt's neighbor, commuting by wheelchair around the community. My aunt told him that she wanted him to meet us when she first mentioned we were coming to town. I just admired him as he did what he wanted to do and went where he wanted to go - regardless of what others may have viewed as a challenge.  Whereever I was, he was there too. Never close enough to experience a mutual greeting.  

We went to LA for three nights and four days and came back Monday night.  

My aunt's neighbor passed over the weekend after a series of things following a freak accident that was not life threatening. 

It can always be said that things work out as they do or are meant to be.  But with that philosophy, does the concept of "missed opportunity" exist?

I have pondered this almost every day since 2006. 

tnd

Remembering Daddy

As I wait for the bathroom to clear in this beautiful hotel in St. Louis, I remember, relish, and am grateful that it was my father who taught me the beauty and the experience in taking cross country road trips.

It was my father, the only driver at the time in the household that showed me the redwood forests to the gulf stream waters several times.   I remember every vacation vividly.  

I celebrate my father as my children and I take our own first cross country road trip.

Thank you, Daddy.    

Spanking by Teachers, Caregivers, and Parents

The topic on the talk show circuit last week (Feb. 17 -21, 2014) was about a Kansas lawmaker proposing a bill that would allow teachers, caregivers, and parents to spank children hard enough to leave marks (Huffington Post).  It's horrifying to know that 19 states still allow to this day for teachers to conduct corporal punishment (ABC News).

I still remember the letters that went out to the parents when I was in elementary school regarding the administration of corporal punishment.

I remember the paddles with the holes to increase the speed from the wind-up to the intended body target and the wooden rulers and yardsticks used. I can still see where those tools sat by the teachers' desks.

I remember witnessing fellow classmates receiving corporal punishment.  I still remember one of the boy's name who received corporal punishment from the paddle with holes....all the time.  I can still see his face full of humiliation and intense pain.  I can still hear the sound of the paddle hitting his behind and the way his body jumped at impact.

But most of all, I remember second grade and how that had to have been the worst school year of my life.

Growing up in the 70s in a predominantly white school district already had its challenges and experiences for a young Black girl.  I do remember how we celebrated when new Black TV shows came on and how we felt when we saw Black people in leadership roles. I remember how we were excited to see Black teachers.

But there was one Black teacher (one of the two in the school and they were oftentimes together) whom I found it very hard to celebrate and that was my second grade teacher.  Retrospectively, I don't believe she celebrated my presence either.

For whatever offense that my little second grade self did, I was taken to the principal's office or to a neighboring classroom to turn my back toward either the teacher, the principal secretary, or the principal himself and have my dress lifted up and swatted multiple times with a ruler.  I remember turning back looking up in their faces with tears streaming down.  Sometimes, they'd have me stay in the office until I regained composure.  I remember the office secretary who would give me tissue and sit with me with sympathetic eyes - whom I visited well until after I graduated from high school until she retired.

At the time, I thought the witnesses were part of the conspiracy to beat me to what seemed every day.  But, now I believe the witnesses' faces were not of support, but faces of concerned grown people expected to carry out a lawful task by a repeated offender.

Sadly, discipline instruction by spanking was supported at home during my childhood so there the bond was between home and school.

I wasn't a bad kid in school and I received 90% to 100% marks on my work.   I was always in the top reading groups and the spelling champion of my classroom. I was an intelligent and very energetic second grader doing second grade things typical of a 6 or 7 year old who preferred to daydream, laugh, and play.

A child is going to wind up being as they were going to be.  Spanking does nothing but cause bodily injury and a broken, angry, and/or bitter spirit in a young human being.  Spanking does not and never will teach correct behavior.   

Legalizing spanking is legalizing child abuse - especially to the point where marks can be left on the body and for people in authority who wish to target one or two children for frustration relief.

New Life Resolutions - 2014 and Beyond

In December 2012, I conducted a thorough examination and inventory of what and whom I had allowed to take my mind, time, energy, and spirit.  My blood pressure was sky high, I was in the middle of livelihood transitions, and other personal matters weighed upon immediate and needed decisions and actions.  From that inventory, I developed my New Life Resolutions and on this last day in December of 2013, I can declare that those resolutions remained intact the entire year.

What I discovered is that although New Life Resolutions and New Year Resolutions commence the same way, the approach is rather different.

With New Year Resolutions, the goals are stamped with an expiration date - 12/31 of that year.  New Year Resolutions are somewhat superficial - not just in appearance, but in lack of depth with little regard for next step.  New Year Resolutions are great for planning goals.  New Year Resolutions can be easily abandoned.

What I found with New Life Resolutions is that they have meat - substance.  There are no expiration dates or short term visionary planning.  The depth encompasses more than losing weight, changing careers, or making more money.  The core of New Life Resolutions is the awakening to what really counts beyond status quo with intense focus on the very one who is creating the New Life Resolution...beyond the tradition and definitely with no regard to any surrounding opinions.

A person can be no good to anyone else unless they are the absolute best to themselves 

- thus the foundation of a New Life Resolution.

The archive of the following broadcast is no longer available.  Be sure to follow Lady Intelligence Live at:  http://www.blogtalkradio.com/ladyintelligencelive.rss.


Tune in to Lady Intelligence Live on Saturday, January 4 at 11:00 AM EST as we discuss crafting your own New Life Resolutions that will withstand the challenges of maintenance and will grow as you evolve.

In preparation for this broadcast, prepare a list of the areas in your life that you would like to see vastly improved.  Have pen and paper in hand.

The listen in line is 718.766.4403.

Saying Until We Meet Again in Creative Terms

During the discussion of a recent Lady Intelligence Live! broadcast about money, the cost of funerals came up.

My guest and I shared about how we personally knew how costly it is to have a traditional funeral and the best way to combat those costs would be via a substantial life insurance policy, pre-planning/pre-payment, cremation, and/or having a non-traditional way of having a homegoing celebration for the departed beloved.  My guest and I continued to share that a great many number of funerals are planned with the thought of impressing the living or out of guilt of what was not done when their loved one was alive.

I noted during this broadcast that every time the casket is moved, it costs money i.e. from the funeral home to the church they've attended for 50 years to the cemetery.  I also shared that a friend shared a creative idea with me once...having a catered dinner with friends and family forgoing the funeral and church and its usual pomp and circumstances.

When my grandmother was living, she would oftentimes mention after a funeral that "that is just too much money to go into the ground."  We took that into consideration when the sad yet appointed season came to planning her homegoing.  Since my immediate family has been historically proactive in taking care of money matters, funeral expenses were already pre-paid for my grandmother.  Her sentiments were respected because when caskets, burial plots, and services are pre-paid, the costs are already locked in for that era's pricing.  My father had a top of the line quality full-couch casket that aren't common anymore - at least over 15 years ago, but the cost was thousands of dollars less than if the casket of today would have been purchased.  Had cash been paid for his funeral last year, the total costs would have been $13,000 plus.  Instead, the costs were SIGNIFICANTLY less and the painful sting in planning was lessened.

But getting back to the creative of celebrating the life of a beloved, I went about my day after the broadcast...in the kitchen actually... :)...and various ideas came to imagination:

• Catered dinner in an upscale venue to only friends, co-workers, and family that were pleasantly close and actively involved in the departed's life when they were living - hopefully the beloved was vocal to loved ones as to who they deemed close or special in their lives - past and present
• Private interment services with only immediate family
• Formal yet lively detailed program either during the catered dinner or in another venue could include: departed's favorite music played and favorite foods/refreshments served, reflections shared from intimate friends and family members, slide presentation from infant to latest memories, display of the departed's gifts/works/achievements in audio or visual, etc.

The departure of the spirit from the body temple is in inevitable period of time and remains a financial transaction that is just as important as buying a home, purchasing a vehicle, and paying for further education.  Having this discussion and having wishes revealed and in place is the ultimate demonstration of love to all beloveds and ushers a sense of peace into a season.

Hooray for Mary!! She Got Off Welfare!!*

Mary, divorced mother of two, lost her job.  She applied for unemployment benefits and got her first check three and a half weeks after her last week of work.

Unemployment compensation barely covered housing however Mary was $110 below the maximum limit to receive medical benefits and $70 a month below the maximum limit to get food stamps.  Mary was then eligible for vouchers at the daycare where her children attends as well.  When Mary was working, she paid $710 a month for daycare.  While on unemployment, she just had to pay $25 a month.  Mary also qualified for utility service assistance.

After six months of submitting as many as 50 applications a week,  attending the mandatory work programs, and providing information to unemployment about how many times she contacted a company for a job week after week, Mary obtained a job making $700 more a month gross than what she was getting in unemployment and $2,000 a month gross less than what she used to make at the job where she was laid off.

Mary is no longer eligible for food stamps, day care, utility service assistance, and medical insurance coverage because now she makes over the income eligibility requirement to receive those services.

Mary is barely making the rent payment on time and goes to food pantries and churches for food while she and her children walk around with no medical coverage.  Mary's elderly mother keeps her two children while she goes to work.  Mary is looking for a less expensive place to live.  She has found that she can afford an apartment in an area with little police presence and high crime statistics.

Mary must be congratulated and hailed for the progress she has made in her life.


*Based on a true story of many.

...Makes A Lot of Sense

To get rid of prostitution...
...by setting up sting operations to bust Johns.

To get rid of drugs...
...by catching the users and putting them in jail for long term sentences.

To get guns off the street...
...by making it harder for the people who legitimately get guns

To prepare upcoming generations to be productive as adults in 2026 ...
...by continuing to teach them what was taught in 1974

 To prepare upcoming generations to be productive as adults in 2026 ...
 ...by continuing to teach them to pass a test vs. on what they will apply in life as wise consumers and relationship developers