Dating, Facebook, and 'Nem

Facebook has proven to be a gift from the heavens in rekindling old flames that have yearned for each other, reconnecting classmates from several decades ago, to keeping folks in touch about the welfare of others, and about club/group events.

Facebook can also be an unattended door into your personal life.

The definition of "friend" according to the computer dictionary is:

• a person whom one knows and with whom one has a bond of mutual affection, typically exclusive of sexual or family relations.
• a person who acts as a supporter of a cause, organization, or country by giving financial or other help: join the Friends of Guilford Free Library.
• a person who is not an enemy or who is on the same side: she was unsure whether he was friend or foe.
• a familiar or helpful thing: he settled for that old friend the compensation grant.
• (often as a polite form of address or in ironic reference) an acquaintance or a stranger one comes across: my friends, let me introduce myself.
• a contact associated with a social networking website: all of a sudden you've got 50 friends online who need to stay connected.

As one can see, the definition of friend has evolved from being someone who is close to just being....someone.

In the dating world, it's easy to merge getting to know someone and social media actions into one.

I had a conversation with someone that mentioned that they recently met someone online and that they were going to be meeting that person for the first time in the near future.  I asked if they had made them a Facebook friend.  They said that they did.  I then told them that they had invited that person into their personal life and into the lives of their family and friends to know everything about what their children looks like and pretty much the timeline of their life before spending a moment with them face to face.  They mentioned that their list of friends is not visible to anyone.  I told them that the majority of the closest friends are visible if they regularly comment on posts.  (I also mentioned that most guys generally seem great and "safe" at first.  It's taking the time to get to know them better that reveals true colors eventually.)

Adding someone whom one has just met as a social media "friend" is like inviting a stranger into the home to a seat on the couch to look through all the photo albums, diaries, journals, and somewhat personal business that would not normally be privy to just anybody.  Information about the kids, their pictures, their school name and activities, their birthdays, other family members' business...all spread out on the cocktail table.  When the home will be empty while on vacation, attending to family matters, etc.

Things to keep in mind about Facebook are:

• Facebook does have the capabilities to sort friends for easy posting of what a person would want a certain group to see OR not see.
• Photos posted on Facebook are quickly and easily downloadable.  And folks do download other people's pics.  I was visiting with a male friend one day and they were swiping through their personal photos and the female pics they had were downloaded straight from Facebook. (People take screenshots of who they are Skyping or FaceTiming with, too.)
• The location services in photos tell a person where that picture was taken.  Doesn't seem like a big deal at first....until after a couple of dates it has been proven that it's no longer a good idea to continue to see the person....but now they have a chronicle of your life.

I am guilty myself of confirming friend requests from those who happen to be in a particular circle that I'm heavily active in and this has nothing to do with dating.  So, note to self:

• Remember that unless that person has been sorted out in a particular friend list, they can see what close friends can see.

Any social media is a door into the living room and throughout the rest of the house. 



Back in 2012, I posted about Online or Internet Dating.  The content is still relevant today.




 tnd

Above All Else...Guard Your Heart

In Proverbs 4:23, it says:

Above all else, guard your heart,

for everything you do flows from it.

I remember when I first took attention to this verse when it was applied to relationships.  Rule #1 - Don't just give your heart out to anybody.  To first learn the person, having them gain your trust, then gradually opening your heart to them - knowing of course there are no guarantees that it won't be broken, but at least making all efforts to extend this vital vessel in seemingly safe waters.

The heart is our emotional command center.  But it's also our life command center.  When it's broken emotionally, the body can still function.  But when it's broken physically, life can cease.

In these last couple of years I have been in the hospital several times for overnight evaluation.  Either blood pressure was up or there were symptoms of a cardiac episode.  Every single time it was during a season that I was dealing with a stressful situation.  Not because of my personal pursuits or busy schedule, but from trying to come in and be BatGirl, Cat Woman, Wonder Woman, All Mighty Isis, and Foxy Brown in times of others' crisis.  

Since 2012, I began to step back from being what others have for so long expected me to be and perform.  By the end of 2014, I mastered being supportive without forgetting to keep myself supported.  I blogged on this past New Year's Eve about behaviors and feelings that would not accompany to 2015.

I have seen too many times where people have grieved, mourned, and overextended, while forgoing all sense of their healthy self for someone else.  With all of their unconditional gift of care, love, and support, they were gravely disappointed to only find that the other's drama, foolishness, and/or crisis continued without a lull.  

Compassion is one thing, but codependency is another.

So while watching to whom your heart is given, there is a safewatch to what your heart is given.  While the heart goes off on its own, it listens to the brain, too.  Whatever or however a situation is reflecting in the mind, the heart is internalizing that as well.

Heart disease is one of the many health conditions that can be caused by stress.  Stress can be physical, emotional, or mental.

A powerful option to alleviate stress is to have a solid spiritual base.  

God, give me grace to accept with serenity

the things that cannot be changed,

Courage to change the things

which should be changed,

and the Wisdom to distinguish

the one from the other.

~ Attributed to Reinhold Niebuhr

Another option is to know that there are only 24 hours in a day and a third of that day must be used for sleep and rest.  

Eliminating rest and sleep is never an option.  

But the number one option is to be kind to yourself.  When you are kind to yourself, you are guarding your heart.

TND

http://www.helpguide.org/articles/stress/stress-symptoms-causes-and-effects.htm

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Serenity_Prayer